Monday, April 30, 2012

CHANGE

darkness is slowly blotting out, the sun has already been swallowed up by the jaws of the night. mosquitoes are whining, clocks chiming, bats squeaking, cats yowling, owls hooting, sirens wailing and i'm soaked into silence. my eyes are fixed at the veiled moon and my mind stuck up in the train of thoughts. with a mug of coffee in my hand, i'm swinging to and fro in my chair, my mind oscillating with my body. 'what exactly is life?', i ask my disturbed, distressed self. many answers come and go, ideas run in, run out, thoughts rush round everywhere but i'm not satisfied.
i finally conclude that life is an undefined hypothesis. but before i could reach such a conclusion i crossed many a bridges, waded through many a puddles of dirt and fragmented a plethora of self-created walls. it was introspection that made me realise that for hours whatever i've been seeking was not a path, what i've been seeking was a union with the constant evolution that surrounds us. the fact that our reality, ourselves and our beliefs are in constant flux; that there is an impermanence that is ever present and our ability to cope with it has more to do with our changing self than a path we choose. we often contemplate switching paths to find answers to our never-ending questions.
but the ultimate solution lies in in not changing the path, rather changing yourself, your chain of thoughts, your course of action. changing oneself and in the process, changing the whole world might seem quite incredible an idea but on the flip side, it ain't that easy. changing oneself requires more than just commitment, wisdom, sincerity and devotion. it's a metamorphosis that requires snapping huge egos, repainting tainted opinions, twisting and bending thought processes, snubbing your egoistic self image, restructuring frame of mind, modifying habits, mutating appreciation to criticism, intense self-analysis and finally accepting the new you with that inadvertent risk of further changes. but once we are successful we begin to sense that deep sense of spirituality in everything around us. we begin to feel our growth, not the absolute one but chronological one.
we can now see that we are mature in one realm, childish in another, ad we appreciate that. the new person who has emerged can now see the pat, present and the future mingle to uplift him in the spheres that surround him. the line that divided the two worlds becomes blurred, so much so that one is actually able to perceive something of God Himself. unsurprisingly the changed soul now appreciates the beauty and magic of even a little red ant.


my mug is empty now and so is my train of thoughts. i'm drenched in a sweet hot sweat but i'm smiling now. the answer is what i've got.


CHANGE is the word.


CHANGE is the power!

PEACE



She buried her face deep in her hands.

her fingers were swollen, swollen was her lip.

she fluttered her eyelids, gazed at the sands.

her neck was stiff, fire burned at the tip.

she wished she could cry, but her eyes went dry.

she wished she could fly, had lost the power to try.

she moved a bit, no, only her legs did.

it pained, it hurt. still her lips were zipped.

what could she say? words just weren't enough.

mirage was it, what she considered love.

she pressed her cheek against the big oak tree.

gawped at her wounds, stared at her bruises.

she wanted to whimper, growl, shout and shriek.

her mind blared, "you do whatever he chooses"

and she suppressed her desire. but again it ached.

it hurt when she touched it, it hurt even when she didn't.

it still bled profusely, but a smile was what she faked.

she knew it meant nothing, her soul now bore a blue tint.

she lifted her eye, admired the sky and began to cry.

she wanted but still did not want to die.

her mind was running now, but she was numb.

she thought of that night, thought of him.

she couldn't help but realise that she was dumb.

the little candle of hope had now went dim.

she thought. she introspected. she pondered.

looked again at the sky, the moon was yonder.

she subsided to empty, soon she got filled up.

again empty...full again...

empty...

full...

empty...

yes, now she was blank, white as a coffee cup.

with efforts she got up, brushed the sand off.

ran with all her might and now came the sea.

waves kissed her, lashed against the empty shore.

she finally merged with the blue, couldn't bear any more.

and so the young lady met the Golden Geese.

for me it was the crescendo, for her it was peace.